I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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