I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
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She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
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Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize