My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
third nipple confirmed
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
