do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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