So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
