I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
