god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
