I cockslap morals
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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