I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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