Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
