My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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