I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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