this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
