Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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