Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
