i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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