also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
