if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize