if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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