since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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