the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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