so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
