I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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