My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
