Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
God, I missed his penis.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
