too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
