oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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