Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
