I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
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As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
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To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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