I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
