I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
We named our party play list daddy issues
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
