I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
