Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
