Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
