I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
