I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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