I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I have fence marks all over my body
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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