Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
