Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
