One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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