I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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