I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
