My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
