I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
