I wish I could teleport
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
