it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
