My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
