you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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