He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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