When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
