I wish I could punch you in the face.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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