things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
