i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
