I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
