I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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