He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
