She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
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perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
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You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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