oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
