At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
