you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
