You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
