Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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