dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
