My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
