i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Actions speak louder than pants.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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