We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Still dying that you shit outside
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
