oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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