It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
