I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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