there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
