Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
why do cheetos always look like penises
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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