the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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